Many people, particularly those who indulge in them, believe an emotional affair can do no harm because there is no sexual aspect to it. What they are failing to realise is the fact they need to go outside your marriage to fill a perceived gap in your relationship is already an affair capable of crushing you and wrecking your marriage. They are going behind your back and using someone else to fill this gap. In many cases an emotional affair can be more damaging because it is no longer a matter of fulfilling a purely physical need.
An emotional affair turns away from a simple friendship when it becomes secretive. Your partner can start to depend on the other lover to give them something they feel they are missing. Why go to someone else? It may be this person has an interest in something which you don't but your partner does. Anything from poetry to petunias, angling to art, fast cars to philosophy -- just something you don't share a common interest in but your partner may have a passion for it.
A friendship would keep all this in view. Say, for example, hubby loves baseball and you hate it. So hubby takes the odd afternoon to watch a game with a friend -- what sex the friend is doesn't really matter at this stage. You know where he is, you know who the friend is, you have the afternoon to do something YOU love. All is good. However, when hubby tells you he is at a meeting but instead goes to the baseball game with a friend (usually of the opposite sex) to watch a game and tell the friend how much they understand him and how little you do, now it's gone bad.
Now you have an affair and the road back is just the same as for any other affair. Now communication -- good communication -- is of paramount importance. Learn why you were not the person your partner chose to confide in. Did they think you were unavailable to them? What can you both do to change that? Or did they just take an easy way out? Does your relationship still have that vital spark, even if it is hidden at the moment, or has it gone out forever?
Your spouse must understand the hurt they have caused you, unintentional though it may have been. They must understand there is no place in a committed relationship for this kind of secrecy. If they have an issue with some facet of your marriage then you should be the first person they talk to. For your part, make sure you listen. Keep control of your emotions and don't just react. Allow your brain to rule your heart and try to empathise -- if you can put yourself in their shoes you might find things are a little different from their perspective. Life and relationships are not all black and white, sometimes compromises must be made by both sides for a relationship to grow and flourish and not whither away in animosity.
Remember, you are not just husband and wife you are also (more importantly) best friends. Take the time to practice being best friends and bring the romance and excitement back into your marriage and you will find the ability to confide in each other will overtake the desire to go outside of your relationship. If you can't be best friends then perhaps a bigger decision about your future together must be made.
An emotional affair can be a savage blow but it does not automatically mean the end of your relationship. If you are both prepared to shed the secrecy and communicate openly and honestly with each other then you have the foundation for a magic and long lasting future. Be each others best friend and share the future together.
For more information about recovery from emotional affair click here or visit Tim's website at http://www.cheating-affairs.com and sign up for a FREE e-course emailed directly to you.
Tim Tindale is a relationship authority with over thirty years experience. He lives with his wife, Mandy, in tropical Far North Queensland, Australia. He takes pleasure in being able to help people put their relationships back on track.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6418408
An emotional affair turns away from a simple friendship when it becomes secretive. Your partner can start to depend on the other lover to give them something they feel they are missing. Why go to someone else? It may be this person has an interest in something which you don't but your partner does. Anything from poetry to petunias, angling to art, fast cars to philosophy -- just something you don't share a common interest in but your partner may have a passion for it.
A friendship would keep all this in view. Say, for example, hubby loves baseball and you hate it. So hubby takes the odd afternoon to watch a game with a friend -- what sex the friend is doesn't really matter at this stage. You know where he is, you know who the friend is, you have the afternoon to do something YOU love. All is good. However, when hubby tells you he is at a meeting but instead goes to the baseball game with a friend (usually of the opposite sex) to watch a game and tell the friend how much they understand him and how little you do, now it's gone bad.
Now you have an affair and the road back is just the same as for any other affair. Now communication -- good communication -- is of paramount importance. Learn why you were not the person your partner chose to confide in. Did they think you were unavailable to them? What can you both do to change that? Or did they just take an easy way out? Does your relationship still have that vital spark, even if it is hidden at the moment, or has it gone out forever?
Your spouse must understand the hurt they have caused you, unintentional though it may have been. They must understand there is no place in a committed relationship for this kind of secrecy. If they have an issue with some facet of your marriage then you should be the first person they talk to. For your part, make sure you listen. Keep control of your emotions and don't just react. Allow your brain to rule your heart and try to empathise -- if you can put yourself in their shoes you might find things are a little different from their perspective. Life and relationships are not all black and white, sometimes compromises must be made by both sides for a relationship to grow and flourish and not whither away in animosity.
Remember, you are not just husband and wife you are also (more importantly) best friends. Take the time to practice being best friends and bring the romance and excitement back into your marriage and you will find the ability to confide in each other will overtake the desire to go outside of your relationship. If you can't be best friends then perhaps a bigger decision about your future together must be made.
An emotional affair can be a savage blow but it does not automatically mean the end of your relationship. If you are both prepared to shed the secrecy and communicate openly and honestly with each other then you have the foundation for a magic and long lasting future. Be each others best friend and share the future together.
For more information about recovery from emotional affair click here or visit Tim's website at http://www.cheating-affairs.com and sign up for a FREE e-course emailed directly to you.
Tim Tindale is a relationship authority with over thirty years experience. He lives with his wife, Mandy, in tropical Far North Queensland, Australia. He takes pleasure in being able to help people put their relationships back on track.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6418408
