As the initial shock of your break up wears off, you may find yourself in territory that is foreign or strange. When you share so much time and space with someone it's easy to lose touch with yourself. This is a common characteristic of co-dependent relationships.
If you've married to someone for a long time, or have children together, you may routinely put the needs of others before your own. In any case, the fact that someone consumed such a large part of your time, space, and activities can leave a huge empty hole when you finally break up.
This may be manifest on an emotional level as you experience the lack of attention, love, and affection you were used to. Or, you may miss the more tangible experiences of time spent together and shared activities.
Whatever the situation, your job is to fill that hole with positive, healthy things that will help you get over your ex and rebuild your own identity.
Taking a Personal Inventory
The final days, weeks, or months of a relationship that is on a downward spiral can greatly damage your self-esteem. The bickering, fighting, and lonely evenings begin to take a heavy toll on your view of the world-and most importantly, yourself.
It is important that you put an end to this as soon as possible. A friend of mine once offered me some amazing advice. It was shortly after a painful breakup, I was dealing with the separation as well as moving through the depression stage. As usual, I was contemplating returning to the one again - off again hell and getting back together with my ex just so I wouldn't have to deal with these emotions.
My self-esteem was at an all time low. I had gained close to 20 pounds, and was starting to think that maybe the relationship I had just left was all I was worthy of. After my friend shared her wisdom with me, I immediately realized that my thinking was a pile of shit. She simply said, "Jason, you need to realize your personal value and what you bring to the table." She began to itemize a long list of my positive attributes. As she went on and on, I couldn't help but smile.
You know what? She was right. I am who I am, and I have a lot to offer someone. Sure, I let myself slip a bit in the final stages of the break up and shortly thereafter. But with a little focus, exercise, and attention to detail, I could be back on track in no time at all.
It's very rare that we will actually reach up and pat ourselves on the back, or look in the mirror and focus on what is right with us. We tend to focus on what we don't have as opposed to what we do possess.
You possess individual characteristics, traits, and abilities that make you unique. Guess what? Those are the same traits that attracted the very ex who you are hurting over today. The fact that your ex has split does not change the reality that you still posses such unique characteristics. Your ex's departure did not rob you of who you are. You simply need to rediscover yourself.
Jason Crawford, MAOM http://www.30dayrecovery.com
The "Breakup Recovery System" is the most effective system in helping you part ways, move on, and get over your old relationship in 30 days or less! Not only will it help you get over your ex, but they will probably end up wanting you back!
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