When my daughter and I left her dad it took us a while to become settled into our new, wonderful life. She stayed away from her dad for a long time, because he was not a dependable father. I raised her alone until she graduated from high school. She and I were very close as we continued our lives.
She was very quiet, and not an outgoing person. I didn't realize that I spoke for her many times when others would ask her a question. I was trying to protect her, and she was trying to protect me, she told me after she grew up. My older sons kept telling me that I was overprotective of her, but I just couldn't see it. Thus our relationship was growing into deeper codependency.
As my daughter grew into an adult, she lived with me off and on as I went through some difficult relationships, l married a wonderful man who my daughter dearly loved as a father, he died six months after we were married. After this terrible time of grief, my daughter moved in with me once again and we grew more codependent than ever. We went everywhere together when we weren't working. We ate out a lot, we shopped quite a bit, and most of the time I paid her way. i wanted to help her, and she became more and more dependent on me to help.
I wondered why, as the years continued to fly by, she didn't respect me much of the time. She dated bad guys, and lived recklessly for a few years, and then met the love of her life. He seemed to be sweet, loving, fun, outgoing, hard working, a good Christian, a real all around great guy.
After they dated for a few months, they became engaged. Things began to deteriorate between them soon after the engagement. He began to change, and began drinking. His personality started to change into, a not so nice guy. There were a lot of arguments, and my daughter found that she was facing trust issues with him.
Young love.
He called the engagement off so he could be free to party and do drugs. I was relieved that she would not be married to a drug user, but my daughter was devastated. I felt bad for her, but I knew deep down that he was trouble in the first degree. A few months passed, and they were suddenly back together, and ready to tie the knot. I was having a very difficult time being happy for them. I knew they were in for a very rocky road ahead, and I was not alone in my thinking.
I decided that if my daughter was happy, I would try to be happy for her. The relationship was volatile from that time forward. They would argue, it seemed like, every day. She would call me to talk about their problems. I thought it was my motherly duty to listen and give her advice. Her husband was having wild mood swings, and would yell at her all of the time, and follow her from room to room yelling. She would yell back and the fight was on.
Then she got pregnant with their daughter. At first, all was bliss, then they once again, began fighting all through the pregnancy. They were codependent also. By this time there was much suspicion that he was doing drugs again. After the baby was born, he wouldn't stay at the hospital to help my daughter, so I did. She had a cesarean, and was recuperating. When she went home they both wanted me to stay and help for a few days, and I gladly did. My granddaughter was so precious! How could they fight in her presence? They continued to be in a most volatile relationship, and I worried for my granddaughter.
When my granddaughter was about six months old, my daughter left her husband and came to live with my new husband and I. She felt relieved and glad to be separated for a few weeks, and then she started longing for him once again. She could only think of the good in him, and seemed to forget the bad times they had together. I enjoyed our granddaughter being here during that time. Soon, she and hubby got back together.
The fighting began again after a few weeks of endearments. My daughter felt she could not trust him, and she began arguing with him. The environment was so bad for my granddaughter, that I threatened both of them with calling family services in if they didn't get things under control, and quit arguing in front of the baby. I felt as if that was the least I could do for my adorably sweet baby granddaughter. I baby sat her from the time she was six weeks old throughout this whole time that I am mentioning in this article. I was very close to her, and we were bonding. My daughter was very distraught, and I could see that she was very exhausted, and didn't feel like doing much after working all day. I was there to take care of her and the baby.
My daughter finally walked out of the marriage for good, and they are now separated, and preparing for divorce. Her husband is glad she walked out, and she has been sorry once again. I counseled her the whole time all of this was going on. This time she moved in with a friend from her work and her husband and two kids. They invited her and her baby to stay with them. My husband and I are in bad health now, and could no longer allow them to stay with us.
My daughter ended up in a stress center over the dysfunctional relationship and uncertainty of what the future would hold.. She went there two times. I was so distraught by her stresses and her leaning on me for all of the answers, and help financially, that I entered the stress center also for a week. That is where I discovered that my daughter and I were codependent.
After all of these years of thinking that I was counseling her and helping her, I found out that I was disabling her from standing on her own and taking on her adult roles properly. I told her many times that she needed to be strong and stand on her own, and be strong for her baby also. The whole time, not knowing that I was part of her problem. Helping her make decisions, telling her how to raise her baby, trying to fix her marital problems, financial troubles, and the list goes on and on. In counseling, she and I both discovered that we were codependent, and that it was an unhealthy relationship. We also were counseled on how to put a stop to the codependency.
My daughter and I still visit, but I am very careful not to get into her business, and I am constantly on guard for codependency tendencies in our relationship. It has helped that she and my granddaughter have moved a couple hours away from me. My daughter has gotten a new job, and a new lease on life. She will soon be moving to a new apartment and she is becoming stronger. I am very proud of her and relieved that she is making it on her own.
My husband and I will soon be moving out of state, and will be seeing the kids and grand babies less often. I will miss them, but our time together will be quality, and they can come to visit. Thus, even less chance for codependency.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6371292
As my daughter grew into an adult, she lived with me off and on as I went through some difficult relationships, l married a wonderful man who my daughter dearly loved as a father, he died six months after we were married. After this terrible time of grief, my daughter moved in with me once again and we grew more codependent than ever. We went everywhere together when we weren't working. We ate out a lot, we shopped quite a bit, and most of the time I paid her way. i wanted to help her, and she became more and more dependent on me to help.
I wondered why, as the years continued to fly by, she didn't respect me much of the time. She dated bad guys, and lived recklessly for a few years, and then met the love of her life. He seemed to be sweet, loving, fun, outgoing, hard working, a good Christian, a real all around great guy.
After they dated for a few months, they became engaged. Things began to deteriorate between them soon after the engagement. He began to change, and began drinking. His personality started to change into, a not so nice guy. There were a lot of arguments, and my daughter found that she was facing trust issues with him.
Young love.
He called the engagement off so he could be free to party and do drugs. I was relieved that she would not be married to a drug user, but my daughter was devastated. I felt bad for her, but I knew deep down that he was trouble in the first degree. A few months passed, and they were suddenly back together, and ready to tie the knot. I was having a very difficult time being happy for them. I knew they were in for a very rocky road ahead, and I was not alone in my thinking.
I decided that if my daughter was happy, I would try to be happy for her. The relationship was volatile from that time forward. They would argue, it seemed like, every day. She would call me to talk about their problems. I thought it was my motherly duty to listen and give her advice. Her husband was having wild mood swings, and would yell at her all of the time, and follow her from room to room yelling. She would yell back and the fight was on.
Then she got pregnant with their daughter. At first, all was bliss, then they once again, began fighting all through the pregnancy. They were codependent also. By this time there was much suspicion that he was doing drugs again. After the baby was born, he wouldn't stay at the hospital to help my daughter, so I did. She had a cesarean, and was recuperating. When she went home they both wanted me to stay and help for a few days, and I gladly did. My granddaughter was so precious! How could they fight in her presence? They continued to be in a most volatile relationship, and I worried for my granddaughter.
When my granddaughter was about six months old, my daughter left her husband and came to live with my new husband and I. She felt relieved and glad to be separated for a few weeks, and then she started longing for him once again. She could only think of the good in him, and seemed to forget the bad times they had together. I enjoyed our granddaughter being here during that time. Soon, she and hubby got back together.
The fighting began again after a few weeks of endearments. My daughter felt she could not trust him, and she began arguing with him. The environment was so bad for my granddaughter, that I threatened both of them with calling family services in if they didn't get things under control, and quit arguing in front of the baby. I felt as if that was the least I could do for my adorably sweet baby granddaughter. I baby sat her from the time she was six weeks old throughout this whole time that I am mentioning in this article. I was very close to her, and we were bonding. My daughter was very distraught, and I could see that she was very exhausted, and didn't feel like doing much after working all day. I was there to take care of her and the baby.
My daughter finally walked out of the marriage for good, and they are now separated, and preparing for divorce. Her husband is glad she walked out, and she has been sorry once again. I counseled her the whole time all of this was going on. This time she moved in with a friend from her work and her husband and two kids. They invited her and her baby to stay with them. My husband and I are in bad health now, and could no longer allow them to stay with us.
My daughter ended up in a stress center over the dysfunctional relationship and uncertainty of what the future would hold.. She went there two times. I was so distraught by her stresses and her leaning on me for all of the answers, and help financially, that I entered the stress center also for a week. That is where I discovered that my daughter and I were codependent.
After all of these years of thinking that I was counseling her and helping her, I found out that I was disabling her from standing on her own and taking on her adult roles properly. I told her many times that she needed to be strong and stand on her own, and be strong for her baby also. The whole time, not knowing that I was part of her problem. Helping her make decisions, telling her how to raise her baby, trying to fix her marital problems, financial troubles, and the list goes on and on. In counseling, she and I both discovered that we were codependent, and that it was an unhealthy relationship. We also were counseled on how to put a stop to the codependency.
My daughter and I still visit, but I am very careful not to get into her business, and I am constantly on guard for codependency tendencies in our relationship. It has helped that she and my granddaughter have moved a couple hours away from me. My daughter has gotten a new job, and a new lease on life. She will soon be moving to a new apartment and she is becoming stronger. I am very proud of her and relieved that she is making it on her own.
My husband and I will soon be moving out of state, and will be seeing the kids and grand babies less often. I will miss them, but our time together will be quality, and they can come to visit. Thus, even less chance for codependency.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6371292
